“Something Wonderful”

I watched an old epic from the 80’s not too long ago. You may have seen it. The title is “2010 a Space Odessy- The Year we Make Contact”. The premise of the story is about a follow-up mission on a failed mission to Jupiter in 2001 as depicted in “2001 A Space Odyssey” (1968). As an eight-year-old at the time, my plans were to become an astronaut, after I made All-American at OU, then played for the Dallas Cowboys, winning a super bowl and becoming a pro-bowler. After my life happened, paralleled by some poor choices and mistakes, those huge dreams were no longer within reach. But I still had dreams of space. I was thrilled that there was a follow up to the original movie. I was doubly thrilled when I heard that “Also Sprach Zarathustra” was going to be in the second chapter, if you will, of the Saga of space exploration. I flew a lot of ships around my room with that music playing on my little cassette player.  The song still takes me back to that innocent past. I remember that KVII used to play that song during one of their spots espousing “Texas Tallest Tower”. I’m really showing my age. (yes kiddo’s, I grew up with the choice of three channels on the TV, and I or my siblings, were the remote control)

A brief synopsis of the first movie is that there was a single monolith found on the moon during the first landing, that was a mystery. Astronomers received a transmission from something close to Jupiter and sent a team to explore. The ship was guided by an AI computer named the HAL 9000. Dave, the commander of the mission had reported a malfunction of the AI HAL 9000. On that mission, they discovered another monolith between IO and Jupiter from whence the signal must have originated. Dave’s last transmission during a spacewalk or EVA as we astronauts call it was “my god it’s full of stars”. Assuming all were lost NASA decided to mount a mission to determine what happened on the original mission, in the year 2010.  All of the crew pretty much met the same demise, but old Dave was still around or a mixture of Dave and HAL 9000 or something supernatural was there with the old ship and the big shiny monolith. The thing that stuck with me through the years is when Dave, the second coming of Dave, tried to explain to the others what was coming, each question was answered with “Something Wonderful”. I’m not sure if the writers’ and directors’ intent was to emphasize the promise that there is “Something Wonderful” in store for each of us and that the not knowing is a common theme in everyone’s life, but that was my take away.

God’s promise to us through all religions and spiritual practices is that we will someday become whole as intended. Yes, life may turn into a total disaster at times, but to this day, everything horrible that has happened in my life was temporary. The after-effects are part of who I am now, and echos of the tragedies are still sneaking up on me at times, but I am still holding on to the promise of “Something Wonderful”.

You have probably seen books with titles like “The Promise” or “Manifesting_______” and I do believe that we have some effect on how we choose to live and react to the potential gifts or tragedies that are part of every life. I also choose to believe that in my pursuit of becoming the best version of me, that I am chasing “Something Wonderful”. God, the Creator, the Universe, or whatever you choose to name the Collective Consciousness, that is a greater power, doesn’t make trash or mistakes. Everyone has a purpose or a mission, or they would not have been created. Carry with you the understanding that you may be a part of someone else’s “Something Wonderful”. Always come from love in everything you do.

Peace,

Scott

Milestones, stepping stones and building stones. (no kidney stones allowed)

Over the past year or so, there have been a lot of transitions in my life. I’ve had two sales jobs, one that I loved and one that I dreaded showing up for every day and a retail job that was absolutely horrid. I am of the age that I can now dip into my retirement without penalty and have toyed with the idea of retiring. I have decided that full retirement is not something I would enjoy at this point. I am healthy and mostly sane. I am what some people now describe as “Woke”, and there are a lot of things I can do with my time and talents to help other people with their struggles. I began working as a volunteer for the largest hospice group here in Amarillo. I realized immediately, during my first visit on my own, that I still have the gift of compassion, being “real” and providing emotional care for the dying and their families. It is the most rewarding thing I have ever done. But boy does it come with a cost. Being completely vulnerable and open with so much pain in the situation takes a toll on one’s spirit. Volunteering to give your self completely leaves nothing much left for pursuing other paying opportunities.

It’s funny how the Universe puts people in our lives who then present an opportunity for us to make a difference in their lives. When I was younger, I was a rescue ranger, and admittedly I chose that role to feed my poor self-esteem. I tried to fix people, which is part of the reason that I married two alcoholics. I saw potential in both of them and just knew that if I loved them enough, they would have to love me back, and would become free from their demons. What I didn’t know, is that some people enjoy the company of their demons for a variety of reasons, some of which are;  self-medication to ease their pain, validate their anger towards the world and men, by proving that the world is a bad place and that they are a victim, and to avoid feeling anything too deeply because of trauma which has been proven to be accumulative in a persons life.

In my training as a pastor and mostly from the Stephen Minister certification program, I learned how to practice Active Listening. The first step in Active Listening is to shut your mouth. It’s a great, easily learned skill but sometimes it’s hard to practice, especially with someone that processes their own thoughts verbally.

A few things have popped up in my life that I am toying with to occupy my time. One, of course, is music. Another is gym training to help other people reach their fitness goals. Another is acting. I currently have three full-time jobs on the table, for which I am grateful and very thankful. I just need to determine the best fit for me for the next ten years. In the meantime, I will enjoy this semi-retirement with reading, working out, playing guitar and singing, discovering new recipes, and actively dating.

On the subject of dating: It’s no easier at this age than it has ever been. In my dating life, I have less patience for those that converse just to fill the air and listen just to respond and not to understand. I have found myself annoyed and have lost interest in those that are more interested in being heard than they are in sharing ideas. At my age, I may never find the right one that understands that conversation is a dance for two, not a performance of one. I find communication lacking, honesty in short supply, and damaged souls all around. It is hard to find a woman that is intelligent, witty, well-spoken, compassionate, physically fit, active, a little predictable, and that I find attractive to the extent that she, on occasion, takes my breath away. We all just want to be loved the way we deserve to be loved. Which pretty much covers the entire spectrum of not very well, to extraordinary. I deserve an extraordinary love, which is what I have to offer. If that doesn’t happen, that’s ok, I have my dogs. I facilitated a class at one point in my pastoral career called “Finding the Perfect Partner” It was the best attended event I held in OKC at St. Luke’s UMC. Mostly middle aged women. Some were extremely disappointed to learn at the end of the event that to find the perfect partner, you have to become the perfect partner. I’ve read a lot of things on social media that talk about “You shouldn’t have to change to please your partner” What it should say is that relationships are work, and both of you should expect to change during the relationship to keep it alive, in balance. Change equals growth. That’s the whole idea of a relationship is to grow together, right? I can’t tell you how many times I have heard “well we just grew apart”.Come on. What they should say is our egos got in the way and neither of us wanted to compromise. I once read of an older gentleman that said through his years of marriage his wife became several different women, and that he did his best to love everyone of those women. I think that is true for every successful relationship. People do change, and in relationship you as a partner have a lot to do with how that change looks, and especially how you change to fit your partner.

This probably should have been a couple of different blogs. lol But it’s been a while.

If you read my writing, I am grateful. Thank you

I promise, more to come.

Scott

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Life is so beautiful

Life is so beautiful

 

A newborn baby cries, while tears of joy trickle from the proud and awe-struck parents.

A song reaches your heart and begins a storm deep inside bringing forth 1000 emotions.

A newborn animal looks at you with curious eyes to determine what you mean to them

New flowers in the spring go through the stages of a beautiful display of color and texture only to begin the season which will end in another beautiful display and color and textures in the fall before they sleep through the winter preparing to begin the cycle again.

Life is so beautiful

A soldier walking with his brother in arms through the airport with anticipation of the unknown, or the knowledge of returning home from untold hardship and danger.

A father waiting for the embrace he has longed for from a child that has been away.

Life is so beautiful

The kindness of a stranger, helping another stranger with food, water, but mostly caring and love.

A family gathers together to celebrate the life of a loved one that has lived a long and memory filled life with love and laughter. The tears express their sorrow for not having that person’s physical presence to hug, laugh with, and to look to as a source of wisdom for the years to come, without their loved one.

Life is so beautiful

A polite gesture, a smile, and a nod, a handshake, a hug, a positive affirmation, a kind look with eye contact for a person on the street.

Saying bless you to a stranger in another care after they sneeze in motionless traffic on the road.

The smell of the air after a rainstorm, fresh cut hay, newly washed sage growing on the sandy land.

Life is so beautiful.

The endorphin flood after you reach the trigger point while doing strenuous exercise

The emotions that rush through you when you think of someone you love more than yourself especially when that are no longer alive.

The sounds of being alone in nature

The satisfaction you feel when you have completed a task which you were dreading

Making someone smile, laugh, or release themselves from worry.

Life is so beautiful

 

Sermon for Feb 28, 2016 Friona UCC

1 Corinthians 10:9-13
10:9 We must not put Christ to the test, as some of them did, and were destroyed by serpents.
10:10 And do not complain as some of them did, and were destroyed by the destroyer.
10:11 These things happened to them to serve as an example, and they were written down to instruct us, on whom the ends of the ages have come.
10:12 So if you think you are standing, watch out that you do not fall.
10:13 No testing has overtaken you that is not common to everyone. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it.
Prayer:
O Lord, we pray, speak in this place, in the calming of our minds
and the longing of our hearts, by the words of my lips and in the
thoughts we form. Speak, O Lord, for your servants listen. Amen.

Message of Hope
As some of you know, I lost my only child to suicide on February 28, 2013.
As you can imagine, I was completely devastated. Someone asked me how I was feeling during that time, and the only thing I could think of to describe where I was emotionally, was “eviscerated” which is a 50 cent word for having your insides ripped completely out. I don’t remember a whole lot about much of anything during the following months, and what I do remember seems that it was someone else going through life, sort of like watching a movie. Who I was, or my sense of self, had always related to being Brandon’s dad. I got full custody of Brandon, and raised him on my own, doing my best to get him through childhood, and into adulthood with as few permanent scars, both physical and emotional, as possible. That’s what we as parents do right? I thought I was a pretty successful parent. Brandon was about to sign a record deal with a branch of Universal entertainment, and finish his first album. He seemed happy and mostly well adjusted. I was pretty proud of myself.
At three AM, three years ago today, a knock came at my door, and I knew when I woke up that he was gone.

In October the previous year, I finally had the opportunity to sign up to participate in a “Walk to Emmaus” weekend. Almost everyone in my family had been on a walk, and several had been leaders in the Emmaus community. My walk was scheduled for the second week of March 2013. If you ever have the chance to participate in a Walk to Emmaus, don’t miss the chance to be a part of something that can change your life.
It was truly an act of God that I had finally signed up to go on a walk to Emmaus, after years of not being able to take advantage of the retreat. Signing up in October, for a walk that was to begin only two weeks after my son’s suicide was a sure sign that God was holding me in his hands. God does provide you with what you need to endure, this was concrete proof and is a great example of God’s providence in my life.
I was still in shock and not fully functioning when my scheduled walk began. After consulting with my most intimate relatives, we reached a consensus that the walk would probably be a good thing, and the timing was definitely a God thing. There were no phones, no TV, no outside communications at all, and it would probably do me good to disconnect for a while, and be surrounded by those that had chosen to give up a few days of their busy schedules to focus on their relationship with God. February 28th is my special day. It’s the day that my son took his life. It’s because on February 28th three years ago, I woke up to a parent’s worst nightmare. At that point, I knew that life is indeed not always fair. I knew that life can change in a second, and I realized that every small decision we make can change the course of life. I didn’t wake up from that nightmare for over a year. I didn’t function well, as my mind was trying to wrap around the fact that my only child was gone, and all of the plans and hopes for the future as I had seen it then, were now gone. My sense of self-identity was gone, as I could no longer relate to the world, my proudest accomplishment of being Brandon’s Dad, or as he and his friends all call me, “Pops” had forever changed.
In Paul’s letter to the church at Corinth, he wrote in chapter 10:13 “No testing has overtaken you that is not common to everyone. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it.”

I’m very thankful that I was raised in the church, and that I had faith in God, and had surrendered to do “God’s will” for my life when my Dad fell ill in 2008. I had changed my life. For real this time. No seriously, I meant it this time. 
I think that the well-meaning cliché “God won’t give you anything you can’t handle”, probably comes from this writing. If that is true, then God must think I am one bad dude. What people leave out of “God won’t give you anything that you can’t handle” is the second part of the verse, that says he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure. My way out, or actually through this tragedy was to lean on those I loved, and that loved me. I was furious with God. I was mad at the world, I was furious with Brandon, but I got through that. I felt I didn’t have a reason to live. I got through that. I felt as if my life no longer had a purpose. I got through that. I wanted to just give up, and actually prayed for God to take me home right here and now, but for it not to hurt a whole lot. I got through that. I blamed others for my son’s death, I blamed myself even more so. I got through that. I was lost without my best friend. I am still getting through that. There are times when I still play the woulda, shoulda, coulda game in my head. I am getting through that. There are times that I wonder exactly what it is that God is calling me to do. I am getting through that. God won’t give you anything you can’t handle, because he also gives you the way out so that you may be able to endure. And of course that vehicle that enables us to endure is his unconditional love, the love of our family of faith, and the love of the people in our lives. Once again, the gospel in a nutshell, is love.

I once wrote that the person I loved most, gave me a gift. I thought it was a box full of darkness. That gift has allowed me to walk with people in their grief, it has helped me to relate to those that are facing their own mortality, and it has opened me up to be more mindful of the things that God guides me to say and do. It turns out that that gift was actually a gift of love. I’m here today as your part-time preacher, out of obedience to God’s calling on my life. I am thankful that I had 29 wonderful years with my son, and the gift of understanding the meaning of unconditional love, which came on the day he was born.

I’m sure you have all heard this before, but the only way someone can really change is when they hit rock bottom. I don’t believe that is always true, but in the context of addiction problems, it’s an accurate statement. I believe that most people don’t seek change unless the pain of their reality is great enough for them to want change bad enough to leave the familiar, and change course.

I grew up believing in the “boot-strap” ideology. I thought that a person was wholly responsible for their lot in life, and if they wanted to change all they had to do was focus on their self-determination. I was not a victim I was not powerless over anything in my life. My choices in life would determine my success, and if I wasn’t happy with where I was, then I was responsible and I needed to do the things that would get me closer to where I thought I should be. That is the culture we live in. Self-determination flavors our perception of the world around us, and we may not even realize that we are judging the homeless and the poor based on the “boot-Strap” theory. I have been guilty of doing just that.
There are some good things about the bootstrap theory. It is a good source of motivation for ourselves. But it really depends on what your boot straps consist of in your life. Is it ego-centric or is it Christ centered. As I matured, I realized that some people don’t have bootstraps, heck some people don’t even have the foundation that a boot-strap can be tied to. If you have a personal bootstrap, that is great. I still have one as well, but mine now has changed in it’s makeup. It has taken a lot of pain for me to reevaluate my life and my bootstrap theory. Having my world completely shredded by the loss of my son left me with no alternative other than to look to God, his word, and pay attention to the people he placed in my life to help get me through. I rebuilt my concept of the bootstrap, to be the hand of God. Through studying the bible, and reading the prophets both ancient and current. I was able to piece back together my sense of self, and my purpose in life.
The Gospel reading for the 3rd Sunday of Lent comes from Luke 13:1-9
Luke 13:1-9

At that very time there were some present who told him about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mingled with their sacrifices. He asked them, “Do you think that because these Galileans suffered in this way they were worse sinners than all other Galileans? No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all perish as they did. Or those eighteen who were killed when the tower of Siloam fell on them—do you think that they were worse offenders than all the others living in Jerusalem? No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all perish just as they did.”

Then he told this parable: “A man had a fig-tree planted in his vineyard, and he came looking for fruit on it and found none. So he said to the gardener, ‘See here! For three years I have come looking for fruit on this fig tree, and still I find none. Cut it down! Why should it be wasting the soil?’ He replied, ‘Sir, let it alone for one more year, until I dig around it and put manure on it. If it bears fruit next year, well and good; but if not, you can cut it down.'”
In a blame-the-victim society, Jesus reverses the responsibility to social systems that don’t function to fulfill God’s intention of abundance for all. We are called to be fertilizers of those systems of abundance. God doesn’t want us to have over-abundance, but he wants us to have enough to be able to become the fully realized beings that we were created to be.
Jesus uses specific events of his day and images of his listeners’ culture to communicate the nature of repentance and grace. The events and images in this passage would have evoked a visceral reaction from the first-century listeners. They do the same for us. The political violence of Pilate resulting in the blood of Galileans and a natural disaster that destroys buildings and the people beneath them do not affect all individuals the same. The symbolic nature of these events becomes real in the experience of listeners of all time periods. Why do the innocent suffer? Why did this tragedy happen to these people? Why the seeming randomness of death and destruction. It parallels the question raised in John 9:2, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”
Jesus moves those “why” questions from a focus on those individual victims to the society and systems of which they are part. “Unless you repent, you will all perish just as they did,” he tells the disciples (and us). In Jesus’ world, repentance requires turning and change into a path of right relationship with God and with one another. “Life in the kingdom is not an elevated game of gaining favors and avoiding losses. Without repentance, all is lost anyway” The only way to win is to surrender.
Corporate and individual repentance is the go-to response for Jesus because although the cause of the suffering is not the main point for God, the reality of those without power as the most vulnerable to political violence or natural disaster persists. People who live on the margins of society already struggle with multiple layers of hardship to which the crisis at hand is added. Those who already suffer also have fewer resources at hand or available to them to recover. They not only have no bootstraps, they have no shoes.
Jesus then switches from historian to story-teller in this passage from Luke to communicate the grace in this repentance. He refers to the fig tree and a verbal exchange between master and gardener. Luke uses this to reinforce the grace in repentance. In all accounts, the fig tree is held accountable for not producing good fruit as is intended.
In Luke, the master is ready to cut it down and start over until the gardener pleads for another chance. The request is not just one more year to let things ride, but one in which the gardener will fertilize and work with the soil so the tree will produce the abundance intended for itself and for the vineyard of which it is a part.
The master agrees to another year, offering the fig tree, with the gardener’s accompaniment, another chance to be in right relationship as intended – to bear fruit.

The seeming randomness of unexpected death and natural disaster adds to the difficulty of experiencing the event and its aftermath. Life is going on as expected one moment and in the next everything is thoroughly completely changed. To recover one has to shape a “new normal” physically, communally, emotionally and spiritually, assigning meaning to the experience. I will never “get over” the loss of my only child, but I have found a new normal.
I used to think that suicide was the most selfish act in the world. Now I see clearly that it is not, but it is driven by enough pain to incite such a desire for change, that ending one’s own life seems to be the only way to get relief. No matter how misguided and untrue that may be, to a person whose mind is not working correctly, or is affected by a disease, reasoning will not be sound and judgment will not be completely accurate. When Robin Williams took his life, I heard several comments about the selfishness of suicide. Most people were unaware of his mental illness, and the depression he suffered as well as the onset of Alzheimer’s related dementia.
When that assigned meaning of the tragedy is to blame the victim, it not only causes more suffering for the group already affected, but also, compromises the whole society. Jesus turns that go-to response of blaming the victim on its head, insisting instead on the responsibility of all in an attitude of repentance. Inherent in repentance is turning and change. That gardener is given the grace of yet another chance to be the one who fertilizes and cares for the tree so it produces good fruit.
Our job as Christians is to be the gardener of God’s creation. Planting seeds, watering, working the soil, and leaving the growing, to God, the Master of the garden.
When bad things happen to people, or when you see suffering, don’t blame the person, because there is no way to know the whole story of what they have endured. Our job is to love our neighbors, not to judge who is worthy of God’s grace, our love, and our assistance.
I want to leave you with this one request for today. Call someone this week that you may not be as close to as you once were, and tell them how important they are to you. Tell your family that you love them as often as you can, because tomorrow isn’t promised for anyone.
It is in the name of the Father, and the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
Amen.
Prayer
Creator God,
We are so very thankful for the unconditional love you have for your creation.
We are thankful that you are God, and that we are not.
We are greatful for the provisions available to us, and knowing that even in the worst of times, you will provide a way to endure, if we just look to you, and follow your will.
Lord be with those that are grieving, be with those that are finding a new normal because of loss or a change in circumstance. God we ask today for your abundant peace and love for those in this community who are facing struggles, and for those that are dealing with things unmentioned.
Bless our lives with your presence, and reminders of the coming new season of growth.
We ask in Jesus name.
Amen

Grief Journal

The process of grief is one that has been studied and written about by many. Some of whom have experienced the loss of a child and some of whom have experienced grief on another level. Writing about grief, to me is similar to describing a work of art to someone who has not seen, or heard that particular creation. Brandon and I often discussed songwriting, and how lyrics can be heard by two different people in completely different ways. Instead of addressing, writing, or creating for a particular audience, artists express themselves through their art in a manner that sounds or looks like a completed work. How people hear or see the art, is correlated to their own life experiences, just as everything else in each person’s reality is filtered by their body of knowledge, understanding, and experience. Grief is the same. It is not the same for any two people, as relationships are not the same between any two people. Everyone grieves differently, based on the type of relationship, the length of relationship, and, of course, the circumstances surrounding the death of a loved one. This is where guilt, regret, and the “woulda,-shoulda’s” come into play. For example, if I had gone out the night that my son decided he had enough of this life, things may have been different. But I chose to stay home and work on a paper that was due that week. Had I known what was going to happen, of course, I would have gone out and stayed with him until the danger of dying had passed.  Had I known what was going to happen? I would have given my life for his. Of that, I have no doubt.

During my training to become a grief counsellor, the concept of the grieving process was logical, and made complete sense to me. However, that training left me with the ability to deal with the concept of someone going through the process, but in no way prepared me for what I would experience as a person suffering from a previously unimaginable tragedy.

Our expectations of and how we describe “success”, for ourselves and others is also born of our battery of life experiences, sometimes interspersed with assumptions, which fill in the gaps left from a lack of full understanding, or lack of experience. Brandon was successful. He was living the life that he intended to live professionally. He was making his “mark” on the music scene in OKC. He was working with his contacts in Austin and was constantly writing new material. He was talking with an arm of Universal studios about a record deal. The music business has changed from the time I thought I was going to be a rock and roll star. You now have to have an albums worth of music, engineered, mixed, and produced before you can get a contract with a record company. To get a song on the radio through the old channels costs about $25,000. But you are guaranteed nothing in return for your investment. It’s no longer about the music, it’s about the marketing.

Sharpness in one parameter induces blurriness in the other.”Time and space are but the physiological colors which the eye maketh,” said Ralph Waldo Emerson in his essay “Self-Reliance.” “But the soul is light; where it is, is day; where it was, is night.”

I hang on to this expression through this journey of grief, knowing that energy never disappears. The person that Brandon was is still in existence, but in a different much more elusive form. Sometimes I feel him with his arm around me, sometimes I see him out of the corner of my eye.  Unfortunately, my logical brain tries to override my spiritual eyes with the position that he is not in human form, and there is no way I can really “see” him. My brain is building his image because that is what is most familiar to me.  But I feel him close to me all the time. I know he is there.  So many times, I go back to when Brandon was just a little guy, so sweet, sensitive, happy, and loving. I know he would have come back around to that person in time. But I lost him, somehow, we lost each other. But I know it’s only temporary, and once again, someday our energies will be united. What a great honor and blessing it was to have such an incredible human being to learn from, spend 29 years in my life.  He is on to the next journey. I have more work left before I can join him. My biggest hope is to help someone that has been dealt the horrible tragedy of losing a child, to understand that with time, the pain is less frequent. No less intense, but the new normal will arrive, and you can begin to breath again, think again, walk again, laugh again, and love again.

Peace

 

 

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Where are you coming from?

“Christ Centered or Egocentric”

When we are born, we are all about our own needs. The ego is strong and in my opinion, necessary for survival at the early stages of life. We are selfish, self-absorbed, and self-centered without a reason or need to be otherwise.

In Luke 10:25, Jesus answers the question that we have all asked at one time. ²⁵ Just then a lawyer stood up to test Jesus.^[j] “Teacher,” he said, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?” ²⁶ He said to him, “What is written in the law? What do you read there?” ²⁷ He answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.” ²⁸ And he said to him, “You have given the right answer; do this, and you will live.”

Sounds pretty simple, but it’s not easy to do. Loving God with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind is a tall order, but loving your neighbor as yourself? That has proven to be the external indicator of whether someone is Christ-centered or self-centered. When we catch ourselves doing things that are not loving, we are not being Christ centered. When we find ourselves in a situation, where we are more worried about our own place or position rather than what is best for the kingdom of God, then we are not being Christ centered.

When I really started digging into scripture, I was having a hard time with the existence of Satan, as I believe that God doesn’t make mistakes. An Elder and spiritual guide told me to replace the word “Satan” or “Demon” etc with the word “Ego”. My eyes were opened to a whole new perspective for scripture reading and interpretation.  Worship has slowly evolved into an internal practice rather than an external activity.

The world is far from what most consider a perfect place, and sometimes the only thing we can change is how we look at the world. The Wesleyan tradition is to ask the hard questions of you, and I do this the best I can, as a constant process in my daily walk.  Doing so has certainly changed my perspective on the things that go on around me every day. When I am feeling out of balance, I know I need to spend some time on my knees, get brutally honest with myself, and put my ego aside, and by meditation and prayer get reconnected to the source of grace, power and love.

Blessings!!

Scott

Bloom Where you are Planted

Bloom Where You are Planted

Christ calls each of us to bear witness to what we know in our hearts. In my life, it has been hard in fact almost impossible, to get out of the muck of ego and self-serving habits and ritual, and to bear the fruit of the Spirit. No matter what circumstances are, we are still called to bear witness. That can be by example, how we react to situations or it can be by sharing a kind word, and coming from love when that is that last thing that people might expect.

It’s been my experience that people tend to wait.. wait until this new job comes, wait until I lose 10 pounds, wait until I get settled, wait until the time is right and on and on. I’m certain that fear of disappointment and fears of failure are behind our tendency to wait. I do know this, I think it best to live every day like it is your last, be joyful, kind, loving, patient, peaceful, have self control, focus on goodness, be gentle, and mostly be faithful that God is in control. Don’t miss an opportunity to re-present Christ to those you encounter.

We all have a choice to be a part of the world’s problems or a part of the solution. We chose to be connected to or disconnected from God’s love. I have found that as I reflect on my life, there are many times I can identify the movement of God, and there are many times that I can see the things that are not “of God”. By focusing on the moments that are “of God”, I am more clearly able to discern God’s will for my life, and see the direction that I am moving in a closer relationship with God.

Socrates famous quote: “A life unexamined is not worth living for a human being” reminds us that in order to know our own trajectory, we must know where we have been. Our present is reflective of the decisions we have made up to this point in our lives. We can’t heal ourselves, but we can turn it over to God, and the Creator can heal all, and help us stay on the right path.

Peace and Grace
Scott

Loss, Love and Life from “The Messenger” February 28, 2015

Saturday February 28^th, is a day I have been dreading all year long. This grief journey after the loss of my only child to suicide is best described by Jerry Garcia when he wrote, what a long strange trip it’s been.  I’ve learned a lot of things about myself, and about life in general during this process. One of the most important and useful things I have learned is, everything is temporary. This life, this circumstance, this attitude, these feelings, these things, this outlook on life, and primarily this understanding of who I am, as all things change through growth or loss.  When speaking with a friend of mine about one of the people he was ministering to, the statement came to mind, “as long as they are still breathing, there is still a chance for them to change their circumstances. “

I once lived my life, sure about who I was, and where I was going. I was solid as a rock, possibly crossing the line towards arrogant. I was closed off to new ideas, dismissive of other views that didn’t parallel my own, and defensive about anything that would possibly cause me to change direction. Suffering such a surprising and devastating loss changed all of that for me.  I am now on a road that was unplanned by me, but it seems familiar in some way. God’s providence, grace and love has lifted and carried me through this painful season, by sending His people into my life. I am so blessed to be so happy in my career, in my place, and on this road. Everything is temporary, and I am sure that there will be changes in my life, but that is part of travelling this road. I know that until my journey ends, God will be driving, and I will be surrendered to do God’s will, as long as I stay open to listening to what God is telling me, and being obedient. It amazes me to look back and see where I’ve been, and what I have survived, and to realize that I am still standing. I know that the only reason I am is because of the grace and love of the Creator.  There are indescribable joys and freedom being totally surrendered to doing God’s will.

As long as you are still breathing, there is a chance to change your journey.

Via con Dios

Scott

“Awaken”

I absolutely hate it when I have unintentionally hurt someone.  It doesn’t happen often now, but through the first half of my life, I didn’t have a clue that most everything I did was connected to, or would have some effect on someone else.  Thank God for grace.

Growing up on the ranch, each year we had a colt that we would pull from the herd to “break” to ride.  Some of the earliest instruction I remember, is that the colt can “smell” fear, and if I was afraid, that the horse would know it and be afraid as well.  The older I got, and the more experience I had with livestock, the more I came to realize that this was indeed true.  Unfortunately, those lessons didn’t directly make a timely transfer to my interactions with other people.  As I have “awakened” to my true self, and become more mature, I have learned that the emotions I put out there, come back to me, usually amplified.

                There have been a few times in my life that I have met people and felt an immediate connection of love and peaceful acceptance. I believe that we should all search for the best in others, that connection in love, and I also believe that God doesn’t make trash. Coming from love and compassion is not always the easiest thing to do; in fact sometimes it’s the hardest.  It takes effort, and training to become the kind of person that loves first then sets appropriate boundaries.  Looking inside ourselves and determining what makes us choose hostility vs. hospitality is a great starting point, and a great spiritual practice for everyday living.

I am a work in progress. I remember seeing a sign somewhere that said, “Be patient, God isn’t finished with me yet.”  I may never get to the point where I always respond first with compassion and love, but I am working on being that person.  It’s all a matter of having attachments to the constructs that I have created defining who I am and what my place is in the world. I am living proof that God does miracles, and that a person can change who they are for the better.  Looking back, those regrets from my “former self” actions have been erased and forgiven, and are no longer a burden to my present, but the lessons from those blunders, have created a foundation which will serve me well in the future.

I wish you peace, love, light, grace, and compassion.

Scott

Messenger Newsletter Jan. 15, 2015

Wanna get away?

Some time ago, Southwest Airlines had a series of commercials depicting people in embarrassing situations, with the tag line of “Wanna get away?”  I’m sure most of us can relate to being in a situation where we would like to run away, get away from a situation, or escape from our circumstances. I know I have. The funny thing is, even if you do escape, you still have to come back and eventually face the situation.

 I’ve prayed for changes and wondered why God didn’t answer my prayers, which reminds me of a story I heard about a man that was trapped on top of his building roof during hurricane Katrina. He prayed fervently for God to save him. While he was praying, a boat came by and tried to get his attention. Being interrupted during his prayer, he rudely told the boat people that he was praying for God to rescue him, and to leave him alone. He continued to pray for rescue, as a helicopter began to hover overhead. He was annoyed again by the interruption, and waved them off so he could continue praying. Eventually the water rose to a level that caused him to drown. When he got to the pearly gates, he asked Saint Peter why his prayers for rescue were not answered. Saint Peter responded. God sent you a boat and a helicopter.

I think we miss the answer to our prayers sometimes because it’s not exactly what we want, or what we think is best for ourselves. In coming to Saint Paul, my prayers to be directed to find a place to serve in ministry full time, was possibly the first time that an answer to a prayer was answered in a way that was better than I could have ever hoped. I have been welcomed here at Saint Paul with love and grace and am very thankful for my new family of faith.  I was amazed at the loving thoughtfulness of the gifts I received from the church for my house warming. Thank you, to those of you that contributed to the cache of house warming gifts. I appreciate the thoughtfulness of the gifts, and of course for the donations given as well. It’s a great feeling to be at home, and not have the feeling of wanting to get away.

Escapism is defined as the tendency to seek distraction and relief from unpleasant realities, especially by seeking entertainment or engaging in fantasy.  Unpleasant realities will happen in life, but do we want to get away, or deal with the situation?  God never promised life would be easy, but God did promise to never leave our side. Reach out to the Creator daily, ask for direction, and most importantly be aware and receptive if your boat or helicopter arrives.