“Something Wonderful”

I watched an old epic from the 80’s not too long ago. You may have seen it. The title is “2010 a Space Odessy- The Year we Make Contact”. The premise of the story is about a follow-up mission on a failed mission to Jupiter in 2001 as depicted in “2001 A Space Odyssey” (1968). As an eight-year-old at the time, my plans were to become an astronaut, after I made All-American at OU, then played for the Dallas Cowboys, winning a super bowl and becoming a pro-bowler. After my life happened, paralleled by some poor choices and mistakes, those huge dreams were no longer within reach. But I still had dreams of space. I was thrilled that there was a follow up to the original movie. I was doubly thrilled when I heard that “Also Sprach Zarathustra” was going to be in the second chapter, if you will, of the Saga of space exploration. I flew a lot of ships around my room with that music playing on my little cassette player.  The song still takes me back to that innocent past. I remember that KVII used to play that song during one of their spots espousing “Texas Tallest Tower”. I’m really showing my age. (yes kiddo’s, I grew up with the choice of three channels on the TV, and I or my siblings, were the remote control)

A brief synopsis of the first movie is that there was a single monolith found on the moon during the first landing, that was a mystery. Astronomers received a transmission from something close to Jupiter and sent a team to explore. The ship was guided by an AI computer named the HAL 9000. Dave, the commander of the mission had reported a malfunction of the AI HAL 9000. On that mission, they discovered another monolith between IO and Jupiter from whence the signal must have originated. Dave’s last transmission during a spacewalk or EVA as we astronauts call it was “my god it’s full of stars”. Assuming all were lost NASA decided to mount a mission to determine what happened on the original mission, in the year 2010.  All of the crew pretty much met the same demise, but old Dave was still around or a mixture of Dave and HAL 9000 or something supernatural was there with the old ship and the big shiny monolith. The thing that stuck with me through the years is when Dave, the second coming of Dave, tried to explain to the others what was coming, each question was answered with “Something Wonderful”. I’m not sure if the writers’ and directors’ intent was to emphasize the promise that there is “Something Wonderful” in store for each of us and that the not knowing is a common theme in everyone’s life, but that was my take away.

God’s promise to us through all religions and spiritual practices is that we will someday become whole as intended. Yes, life may turn into a total disaster at times, but to this day, everything horrible that has happened in my life was temporary. The after-effects are part of who I am now, and echos of the tragedies are still sneaking up on me at times, but I am still holding on to the promise of “Something Wonderful”.

You have probably seen books with titles like “The Promise” or “Manifesting_______” and I do believe that we have some effect on how we choose to live and react to the potential gifts or tragedies that are part of every life. I also choose to believe that in my pursuit of becoming the best version of me, that I am chasing “Something Wonderful”. God, the Creator, the Universe, or whatever you choose to name the Collective Consciousness, that is a greater power, doesn’t make trash or mistakes. Everyone has a purpose or a mission, or they would not have been created. Carry with you the understanding that you may be a part of someone else’s “Something Wonderful”. Always come from love in everything you do.

Peace,

Scott

Closure and Moving On.

One of the most significant lessons that I have learned in my life journey is that closure is a misnomer.  There are stages of human emotion but there is not one that encompasses a state of being that indicates “closure”. If we are truly living, the events we go through in our life will change us. Change of our perspective or understanding at least, and change or who we are or are not, at most. The world and this reality can seem to be a cruel thing. But, there is just as much good, hope, beauty, and love, if we choose to see it and focus on those good things.

If you are looking for unconditional love, get a dog. Dog, is God spelled backward. Short of being the father to a wonderful son, I haven’t had such an obvious unconditional shared love. Yes, dogs don’t live long enough, no doubt, but when they are alive and well there is nothing that can give you their love so completely. I don’t hate cats, but I’ve never had a cat that I thought, thought of me as anything other than a scratching post, groomer, the provider of food and water, and sometimes potential prey.

Closure at the end of a romantic relationship is something I’ve gotten on occasion, and sometimes, not so much.  There are a couple of types of people in the single dating world, I have discovered. One is the “feather” type, and the other is the “sledgehammer” type.  Let me explain. The feather type is easy to get rid of or to lose. A simple brush off is all it takes for them to withdraw from an interest in continuing any romantic pursuit. The sledgehammer type is the kind that just doesn’t get that there is not an equal level of interest by the other party, and they keep on insisting or requesting time and attention from the person they are interested in, all the while being solidly in the “friend zone”. Admittedly I have experienced and been both in my life. At this point in my life, I err on the side of the feather type for a couple of reasons. If there is not any reciprocity from the object of my affection, (or affliction, depending on how bad I’ve got “it” for someone) then I take that as a signal that there is a lack of interest, or that the timing is just not good for them (I tend to go with the later for my ego’s sake).

Truly, people are busy at this time of a single head of household, working long hours and tight budgets to ensure the little ones are taken care of. Plus, there are a lot of jerks out there that are not willing to be flexible enough to include children and/or careers in their idea of a relationship. Communication is key. If someone verbally expresses an interest in taking your relationship to the next level, talk to them like you would a four-year-old, so the message gets across with clarity and compassion if you are not available (timing) or if you have a particular issue with them that has not been addressed ie. “you drink too much”, “you seem more interested in going to the gym, bars, Star Wars conventions, etc.  than you do making time for us”, “you are not attractive to me”, “you need to see a dentist because your breath could scare buzzards off of a meat wagon”, “I can’t stand the way you: breath, chew, pick your nose, have gas, laugh too loud, never laugh, ogle the opposite sex, cook, eat, snore, feet stink, never stop talking long enough for me to say anything, etc.” While some of those things can be overcome, it’s up to the person to recognize those things and put in the work to make the change. They may not even know there is a problem as self-awareness is apparently not for everyone.

So, I get that putting yourself out there after a bad experience is not easy, maybe not even a safe thing to do. But what if.

What if that guy or lady, that has been showing you interest is the person with whom you could grow old? What if that person has been sent to you by the Universe to cause you the type of discomfort required for personal growth while providing the comfort and security in who you are in order to support your growth? I am NOT talking about settling! In other words, what if that person is the person that will make you want to be a better person, not just for them, but for yourself? It seems that I see a lot of relationships where people chose someone that will “fit” into their current lives without making any difference in who they are, without any thought of who the two of them could be together, which is fine for some people, but not for me. I want to grow and become a better person until the day I die.

I was so lucky to have the example I had for parents. They were equally matched in compassion, passion, a sense of service, talent, and intelligence. They loved, admired and defended each other with all of the passion that two people can. I didn’t realize it at the time as I was growing up going through the typical and sometimes atypical things that happen in the life of a young person, just how fortunate I was to have two of the best supporters of my life and being, that anyone could dream of. (I thought I was in hell. As a lot of teenagers do.) Turns out, I had it pretty darn good.

I say that so I can say this: I understand that it’s a whole other level of scary when you are looking at bringing in a partner that can have such a profound effect on your children’s lives. I get that. I made that mistake and chose wrong once. But I have it on good authority, that marriage didn’t count because it only lasted six months. Take your time, ask for references (not kidding, exes are a great source for references), meet the family, because it is true that you marry the whole family whether you choose traditional marriage or just commit to being together for the rest of your lives.

Look for patterns in a person’s behavior. When they went out and had too much to drink, was that a one-off or is that an indicator of a deeper problem? Are they always in financial need? Do they ask for material things on a regular basis and not return the favor? It’s been my experience that substance abuse and money, or lack thereof are two of the main contributing factors causing the end of a relationship. Usually, if substance abuse is involved, infidelity is also an issue.

Be careful out there, it’s a jungle, but don’t lose hope. There is someone for everyone. I promise it will take work, not meaning working on them, but on yourself.

Peace!

Milestones, stepping stones and building stones. (no kidney stones allowed)

Over the past year or so, there have been a lot of transitions in my life. I’ve had two sales jobs, one that I loved and one that I dreaded showing up for every day and a retail job that was absolutely horrid. I am of the age that I can now dip into my retirement without penalty and have toyed with the idea of retiring. I have decided that full retirement is not something I would enjoy at this point. I am healthy and mostly sane. I am what some people now describe as “Woke”, and there are a lot of things I can do with my time and talents to help other people with their struggles. I began working as a volunteer for the largest hospice group here in Amarillo. I realized immediately, during my first visit on my own, that I still have the gift of compassion, being “real” and providing emotional care for the dying and their families. It is the most rewarding thing I have ever done. But boy does it come with a cost. Being completely vulnerable and open with so much pain in the situation takes a toll on one’s spirit. Volunteering to give your self completely leaves nothing much left for pursuing other paying opportunities.

It’s funny how the Universe puts people in our lives who then present an opportunity for us to make a difference in their lives. When I was younger, I was a rescue ranger, and admittedly I chose that role to feed my poor self-esteem. I tried to fix people, which is part of the reason that I married two alcoholics. I saw potential in both of them and just knew that if I loved them enough, they would have to love me back, and would become free from their demons. What I didn’t know, is that some people enjoy the company of their demons for a variety of reasons, some of which are;  self-medication to ease their pain, validate their anger towards the world and men, by proving that the world is a bad place and that they are a victim, and to avoid feeling anything too deeply because of trauma which has been proven to be accumulative in a persons life.

In my training as a pastor and mostly from the Stephen Minister certification program, I learned how to practice Active Listening. The first step in Active Listening is to shut your mouth. It’s a great, easily learned skill but sometimes it’s hard to practice, especially with someone that processes their own thoughts verbally.

A few things have popped up in my life that I am toying with to occupy my time. One, of course, is music. Another is gym training to help other people reach their fitness goals. Another is acting. I currently have three full-time jobs on the table, for which I am grateful and very thankful. I just need to determine the best fit for me for the next ten years. In the meantime, I will enjoy this semi-retirement with reading, working out, playing guitar and singing, discovering new recipes, and actively dating.

On the subject of dating: It’s no easier at this age than it has ever been. In my dating life, I have less patience for those that converse just to fill the air and listen just to respond and not to understand. I have found myself annoyed and have lost interest in those that are more interested in being heard than they are in sharing ideas. At my age, I may never find the right one that understands that conversation is a dance for two, not a performance of one. I find communication lacking, honesty in short supply, and damaged souls all around. It is hard to find a woman that is intelligent, witty, well-spoken, compassionate, physically fit, active, a little predictable, and that I find attractive to the extent that she, on occasion, takes my breath away. We all just want to be loved the way we deserve to be loved. Which pretty much covers the entire spectrum of not very well, to extraordinary. I deserve an extraordinary love, which is what I have to offer. If that doesn’t happen, that’s ok, I have my dogs. I facilitated a class at one point in my pastoral career called “Finding the Perfect Partner” It was the best attended event I held in OKC at St. Luke’s UMC. Mostly middle aged women. Some were extremely disappointed to learn at the end of the event that to find the perfect partner, you have to become the perfect partner. I’ve read a lot of things on social media that talk about “You shouldn’t have to change to please your partner” What it should say is that relationships are work, and both of you should expect to change during the relationship to keep it alive, in balance. Change equals growth. That’s the whole idea of a relationship is to grow together, right? I can’t tell you how many times I have heard “well we just grew apart”.Come on. What they should say is our egos got in the way and neither of us wanted to compromise. I once read of an older gentleman that said through his years of marriage his wife became several different women, and that he did his best to love everyone of those women. I think that is true for every successful relationship. People do change, and in relationship you as a partner have a lot to do with how that change looks, and especially how you change to fit your partner.

This probably should have been a couple of different blogs. lol But it’s been a while.

If you read my writing, I am grateful. Thank you

I promise, more to come.

Scott

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